Germs and Panic Attacks... Need Someone Who Knows About OCD

I really need help from someone who knows more about Obsessive Complusive Disorder.

I've always been a huge germophob. Almost everyone that knows me jokes about it because it's impossible to miss my constant need to sanitize loose change and my inability to travel without Clorox disinfecting wipes and Purell. It's gotten worse with time, but I can't imagine WANTING to be dirty... so I never considered it a problem.

A few weeks ago, I had a panic attack though. The funny thing was that I didn't FEEL more stressed than usual about cleanliness... but my lungs started this repeating spasm where about every 10 seconds I would inhale a quick, sharp breath--even though I didn't need it (I had to breathe less actually because I didn't want to pass out or anything.) It was almost like the hiccups, but without the "locking" (for lack of a better description.) I know it wasn't the hiccups because I get them a lot and these felt very different and wouldn't go away with any of my usual remedies.

I tried relaxing, breathing into a paper bag, and was even able to get to sleep (not well as you might imagine) but they were still there when I woke up! They began to go away as the day went on but came back again around dinnertime. That night, it was like my brain caught up to the panic my body was in and I had an emotional breakdown about bacteria and germs. I couldn't get the idea of raw chicken my friends had been touching few days ago when cooking (even though I didn't eat, cook, or touch that chicken at any point.)

The next day the spasms were gone and my peak of anxiety faded as well, and things are back to normal. It's been about 2 months and this hasn't happened since, nor had it happened ever before. I had been seeing a doctor for ADD and she met with me about the incident. She tried to find symptoms of OCD and said that I am borderline but she was unable to find any rituals.

I always wash clean cups from the cupboard before using them, and I always purell and wash my hands before eating in public. I never touch doorknobs or handles in bathrooms, and refuse to touch raw chicken (though I like to cook, so I have to wear gloves when I handle it). I only buy white bedding so I can bleach it and I often feel like I've failed and almost guilty if I ever get sick. When people burp, cough, or sneeze, I hold my breath for as long as I possibly can, then turn away and take another breath to hold.

Are these rituals? I didn't tell her about these things because I was so sure that I didn't actually have OCD. Was I wrong? If I don't like being so clean, is it even a problem?

Sorry for the long post and thank you so much for your help.

I'm not sure I can help, but I think talking to another person with the same problems helps.. YOu can contact me and I would like to talk to you about it.. My addy is daniel_b80@yahoo.com. Please contact me and lets talk about things.. I'm having problems with germs as well..;(

I can't believe that your doctor would say that you don't have OCD.. If anything you are very border line OCD. A lot depends on how many times you wash your hands and purell them on top of that. You could just be a cautious person and there's nothing wrong with that. I don't like to touch door knobs in bathrooms either. In fact I hate it.. I do have OCD and I too am a germaphobic. You could be worse but right now you aren't too bad. I don't know about washing the cups before using them though.... I get panic attacks but not as severe as what you described. I can't walking within several feet of a trash can without my brain tellinb me that i've hit it and now i'm contaminated.... Let me know if this helps or if you have anymore questions.